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Hey readers!!

  DISCLAIMER TO FEMALE READERS:  Before you get angry and start yelling, "You f***ing Jersey bitch- I don't do that!!", I know this opinion piece doesn't apply to ALL girls, so just chill.

  Here is a list I want to share of a few dumb things chicks do to impress guys!  I'm a chick, so I may have been guilty of some of these things in the past (though I will not specify which ways I have been flawed), and so I can usually tell what a girl's motive is behind the stupidity she displays.  No one is perfect, but these are just a few things I know the general population of respectable people would most likely agree with.

Paris Hilton.  Insert inspiring quote here.
1.  Chicks change up their voices to be more high pitched whenever they talk to dudes.  This simple act is the epitome of irritating.  The Paris Hilton "baby voice"- please stop it.  It's actually not cute.  If you have a deep voice and feel like a man when you talk-well, tough shit.  That's your voice- embrace it, get used to it.

  No guy will ever take you seriously if they catch you trying to be a social chameleon in any way.  You better know that your dude will find out eventually, and if he's a real man, he'd be irritated and leave you for a Gold Standard, 100%, Grade A, Authentic Chick. This applies with other girls as well (if they're alphas like I am, anyways) who will see through your act, think you're acting like an idiot, confront you because we care, then after you lie through your teeth and deny it, you'll be left with no one.  Just putting that food for thought out there.

2.  Chicks wear super-padded push-up bras that make them look 2-3 cup sizes bigger than they actually are.  Ladies, I feel you.  I know we all wish to be blessed with curves in all the right places (or save up for a proper plastic surgeon from outside of Canada), and take some short cuts to achieve such ambitions.  BUT... let's say you're an A-cup when naked, and with clothes on everyone thinks you're actually a C-cup... Doesn't that worry you that once you take off the super-padded push-up bra, that your new man will wonder where the rest of your curves went?  Kind of embarrassing.

  Maybe take it down to just enough padding that will make your skin tight tops not reveal if you're cold, if you know what I mean.  If plastic surgery is not an option, try those workouts that help build muscle tissue in your chest- they won't make your breasts larger, but they can help slow down future sagging.  Small boobs take longer to sag than large ones- embrace them!

3.  Taking up interests or hobbies that they don't care about just because their man/crush likes those things.  Again, not cute.  Let's just say you're a girl who is into shopping and everything related to hair, makeup and nails. Music wise, you love Ke$ha and Justin Bieber; diet-wise, you live off vegan salad and Ex-Lax to fit into sample sizes.  Enter cute guy who is into watching sports, playing sports, digs all the best indie rock and hip-hop music (on Jamsterdam Radio, of course), eats the best free-range, grass-fed meats and loves to drink beer and cook grill on the barbecue.  Are you really going to all of a sudden buy season tickets to watch the Toronto Blue Jays play, eat meat and listen to his favorite (actual good) music because you like the guy?

  It's tough keeping up with the facade, especially if you're in pain while faking it.  It's one thing being open-minded, exploring his interests out of curiosity, then if you're still not into it, then be straight up. It's another thing (and very creepy) to turn into the guy you like.      

4. Chicks posting half naked selfies on the internet.  I usually see these types of photos on sites like
Thank you, Willy Wonka.
Instagram with some inspiring quotes as the caption to go with the obvious half naked selfies with the girl's back arched and an open toilet in the background or something else extremely unappealing.  The hashtags are a pisser too sometimes- I'd see the hashtags #beautiful #gorgeousgirl #pretty and it's like- what happened to being humble?

  I get it, you post a half-naked selfie online so that's not exactly being humble to begin with, but you might as well add #iwantattention because that's basically what you're seeking, and you're not always going to receive the greatest kind of attention by doing this.  Oh, and might I add- I can see through the lip puckering photos- they make your lips look bigger, but depending on the angle, it also displays to everyone your best blow job face.  The secret is out.

5. Those who wear makeup to the gym- full fake eyelashes and skimpy outfits.  I get it- you see the latest cover of Women's Health Magazine with some hot fit model wearing full makeup and you want to present yourself in the same fashion.  News flash: that's a magazine cover- the magazine puts up a photo of an attractive woman on the cover to get your attention.  This doesn't mean you should hit the gym with full makeup, and dressed like the girl.  You may walk out of the change room thinking you look cute, but you look like a dumb ass (provided you're actually there to work out) if you're sweating off your fake eyelashes and your face is melting onto your clothes.

  Relax.  The gym is a place to work out- not to find a husband.  If all you want is to get laid, fine, do what you want, but I'm sure you would be more attractive if you ditched the makeup (especially to allow your skin to breathe, as well as lessens the chance of bacteria from you sweating landing on your eyelashes, as those particles end up in your eyes) and just stuck to your skimpy outfit.  Those are totally understandable, especially if you've worked hard to get your rockin' bod.  Fine- show it off!  But try to keep some mystery- it's really disgusting when I see a chick with full camel toe exposure on the machine I'm planning on using next get up, just to leave without wiping and I see some of her "foreign juices" left behind.  I wouldn't know if that's sweat or what, but either way, please be more ladylike and wipe down the equipment after each use!  Maybe sit on your gym towel or something- anything!  Be sanitary.

6.  Chicks put other chicks down in front of guys to make themselves look better.  I know- this blog could come off as if I'm doing exactly that, but my goal isn't to insult chicks- my goal is to give those who do this stuff the realization that there are better, more respectable ways to impress guys.

  What I find is that chicks just bash each other far too often, whether we know each other or not.  When did we stop being on the same team?  If we constantly try to out-do each other, we will never get the opportunity to empower each other to be greater.

  It's disgusting that it is a constant competition when we find a chick who is a potential threat to our egos and just bash her instead of expressing what we admire about her.  We don't even have to say these good things out loud, but promoting what you love, rather than what you hate is a more attractive way to be.  No one likes someone constantly bitching about the unfairness of life if we aren't even trying to do anything to correct the wrongs.

7.  Two-faced chicks.  Straight up- why?  Why do chicks feel the need to be all Dr. Jekyll towards someone, then behind the person's back, they're Mr. Hyde?  If you don't like someone, then you don't have to be nasty towards them, or bully them, but maybe keep the conversations short and general?  I find too many chicks live by the mantra "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer", but is it really worth it to exert energy on someone you hate, as opposed to putting that energy towards those you love?  Logically, I mean.

  This is the reason why I constantly hear chicks (myself included) say, "I don't trust girls" because you cannot trust girls- women on the other hand are trustworthy.  The difference between women and girls is that women will try to encourage other females to be better, as girls will try to tear other females down, almost to the point of bullying.  

Continuing the point, for example, let's say you're a female who is about to meet your boyfriend's best friend, who happens to be a smart, gorgeous, likable person.  In front of your man, you act like the chick's best friend, then when your man steps away, all of a sudden you're a wretched bitch to this awesome chick for no reason besides your own insecurities.  You know his friend will tell him exactly how you are, and he may question you, then you deny it, as you hopefully cause the break up of a long friendship between your man and his best friend.  Years later, your man proposes, you get married, have kids, and then he sees your true colors, which causes karma to kick in and lead to a long and painful divorce.  You're a conniving, disgusting, spiteful little girl who will never know what it means to truly love someone who truly loves you in return with all that selfishness.  Get over yourself, or you're in for a rough life.

8.  Acting dumber than they are.  If you're intelligent, why not have a real conversation!  Dudes dig that!  End of story.

Tweet me @JerZGrlinCanada and let me know what I have failed to mention, or if you want to just bitch me out for posting this opinion piece, feel free to PMS all over twitter!    

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