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Relationships: It's What You Put Into Them.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Hey readers!

  Sometimes life brings you once-in-a-lifetime opportunities, whether professionally, or more personally like a
There is that needle in the haystack!
chance to fall in love with your soul mate.  Lately, more often than not, I've been discussing relationships: the heart-wrenching, head-over-heels, have-never-had-a-connection-like-this-before, found-the-needle-in-the-haystack, kind of soul mate bond.  Unfortunately, these same relationships fell apart- some in record time... 'tis the season.

  "But... if the connection was so flawless, how could the relationship have possibly fallen apart?", you ask?  Literally, the only people that might know best would be the people who made up these couples.  Both parties- not just one-sided stories.  They may all boil down to finding the right person, but having the crappiest timing.  

  Maybe these couples were only meant to learn from each other?  Maybe their differences have overpowered their similarities?  Maybe there were issues unrelated to the relationship that needed to be addressed and the other person wasn't strong enough to help with their significant other's baggage.  Really, even if a person talks about their own relationship breakup to others until they're blue in the face, only the couple themselves will truly know exactly what went wrong.  

Everyone has baggage.
  On another note, when a person talks about their breakup to others, I know it helps to vent out all the frustrations, or even to seek advice as to if they did the right things, or what they should do next... ultimately, is it the other's relationship to dictate what should happen next??  If you're going through a breakup, do you ever figure out how to troubleshoot on your own?  

  I am definitely guilty of making suggestions to people about their relationship when they start talking about it to me, but ultimately, it's not my relationship, so the people I talk to can take my advice or leave it.. I even make sure I mention that it's up to them what they truly want to do in the end.  One thing I've also been mindful of is not taking sides.  This is a dangerous territory to step on, especially when I want to give the best advice I can give to friends (and as of late, some of you amazing readers have reached out to me for advice via PMing on Facebook and Twitter- I'm honored) regarding their relationship issues.  The desired result is to see my friends as close to being truly happy as possible, whether I agree with their decisions, or not.  Working through problems and breakups are difficult enough on their own to begin with, but the minute other people start to blindly meddle even the tiniest bit, it can actually cripple rational decision making in the end. 

  Some couples only last a few months, but have experienced more life and passion in that small window of time than a lot of couples who have been together for years.  If you don't understand what I'm saying, let's go back to professional opportunities: have you ever had a project you had to complete and perfect in a short span of time, like 3 days, and had to put in 16-hour days to complete it?  That is the same thing as these short-term soul mates, except they usually don't have deadlines to meet- they just happen to put a lot more energy into their bond early on.  

That bag is literally too large to be a carry-on.

  Still don't get it?  Remember those oversize handbags women used to carry 10 years ago?  Pretend one of those monstrosities represents a month into a relationship and put another bag of the same size next to it.  Fill one completely with a lot of stuff until you can barely zip it closed, and fill the other one with a regular pack of gum.  Sometimes, people put so much into their relationship so early on, that it becomes overwhelming, and it bursts at the seams.  Just because a relationship is short-lived, doesn't mean it matters less than a 10-year marriage ending in divorce.

  One of the most frustrating things is when you know you could've/would've/should've done more, and you now know what you could've done, but it's too late and you never thought of it in time.  Sometimes, couples need to break up completely to give each other space to sort things out.  If you're meant to be in the future, it will happen when you're both ready.  If you're never getting back together, at least you learned something valuable about yourself that you can hopefully be mindful of in the future.

  If this article has hit home for you, and all you feel is pain, guess what: it's because you still care.  You hurt because you still care, and you feel because you wish you could turn back time and do things differently.  That's normal.  Maybe the last time you saw each other, you both knew separation was for the best, but it still hurt you both, deeply.  Breaking up doesn't mean you don't still love each other.  Some may be reading this and think, "Well, no shit, Sherlock!"  I'm just trying to assure you that what you're feeling is normal, and if others tell you otherwise, you can tell them exactly where to shove their narrow-minded opinions. 

Tweet me @JerZGrlinCanada   
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